


Playing God

by Siddal_Preaker



Series: The Messiah: Deleted/Extended/AU Scenes [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Asgardians - Freeform, Asgardians are Flawed Gods not Space Aliens, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Flawed gods, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Graphic Description, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 23:48:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15230727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siddal_Preaker/pseuds/Siddal_Preaker
Summary: Cut scene from my story, The Messiah, after Loki's fall from the bifrost and the loss of my heroine's warrior status in Asgard. Set sort of from Thor's eyes. Follows his disenchantment with his homeland and drive to do better with his friend at his side after the loss of his brother. Two mourning gods about to come together with a beautiful and deadly trust they never touched before. Set up for their great relationship to come within the story. ((Spoilers for the fic))New mini drabbles I'm doing of my many deleted/extended scenes from my Loki/OC fic.





	Playing God

**Author's Note:**

> Frankly, I grew to love writing Thor and The Lady as you all know from my original fic. They had a great and important relationship and their friendship ended up being one of my favorites. Thor is a wonderful character. I have a large amount of cut content from between other projects I'm doing and they make good little writing exercises so I might post a few more down the line. This one came about when I wanted to write about disenchantment and we all know I'm all about flawed gods. :) Does not follow the mcu's take on Asgard/its history.

            _Am I cursed?_ Thor wondered with his steps.

            _I must be._

           He was always too late.

           Too late to apologize for his hot head.

           Too late to stop the war to come for his homeland.

           Too late to comfort little Elise when she pressed her hands to her lips and screamed a sound he’d never erase.

           Too late to stop the flow of blood dripping from his mutilated friend, limp in this arms.

           Too late to save Loki from letting go before his whole world fell to pieces.

            _Brother, please._

           Thor carried his fallen friend down the hall, so tight to his chest. She tried to tell him this was over. Chanted it in airy mother tongues. Thor wished she’d pretend he was Loki comforting her back to life. She could live to revel another great battle and share in rich spoils of the win. He wished she could close her eyes and feel the warmth of Loki’s embrace to scrape together just a bit of lost affections. Loki had looked into both of their eyes, his greatest loves, and still found nothing to keep him tethered. Thor wished until his mind was raw. But, he was just Thor and he was always too damn late.

           “This way,” Moira tugged at his clothing and Thor didn’t stop her. “Healers!” All of them, close friends, pulled themselves together to heal their fallen companion. Elise was crying into Asta when she offered comfort. Thor touched the face, that pretty face fresh with two deep cuts, and she stirred as healers tugged at her clothing to work. “We can save her life.”

           “Do everything to save her and…” Thor prayed for the courage to betray her but didn’t this time. “Leave the scars.” He touched his forehead to his dear friend’s when she’d faded away before offering a chaste kiss upon her lips. “I am not Loki,” he choked silently and cradled her jaw close, “but, I can love and protect you all the same. Let me try. We must make it through this.”

           “My Prince,” Eir offered, lowering her gaze. “What can be said to the others?”

           “Keep this secret for now,” Thor looked down at his bloodied arms. “All of you. Swear secrecy until it is decided. Get her healthy first, it is more important. She’ll be dragged into the dirt for this if it is known. And, by Hel, do not let them say she did this for love.” Thor would slice the tongue of the first Asgardian to point at his friend’s scars and utter Loki’s name.

           “The King and Queen…the Warriors Three. Sif. They do not know.” Moira’s words dawned a fresh ache into his bones.

           “Lock down the room to others. I…I will tell them.” Thor, not able to clean his arms, spun on his heel to go out. He also wasn’t able to look at Elise, crying small sniffles. “Gather my warriors into our room. Go. There was an attack…” A guard rushed off and Thor rubbed his head, stumbling before he almost bumped into his mother. Her face sobered and he knew she was ahead of him. “What have we done to her?” He asked, hopeless. Eyes wide and watering. “Father didn’t care.”

           “He did.” Frigga shook her head and tried to be stronger. “Thor, there is a lot at play here. Both of them slipped with ease into their roles. When are you going to do the same? I did not want this for any of you…my babies. I cannot save them all…”

           “ _Ease_? My friend tried to kill herself! Asgard stole away the only identity she cherished at last!” Thor exploded, quieting but it all was reeling to the front. “I grew thinking Asgard was the best place in all these realms. Flawless and glittering because we carried our weight in gold. It’s all horse shit, mother! I thought we were evolved and I was so certain we knew all because we’ve had eons to make the realms a better place! They pray to their perfect gods…they pray to an idealized version of Thor and I am not him. I never will be him and I…I do not want to be. We are not these immaculate beings. I was so wrong. Loki…and she…She was right. I demand that Asgard does better. We must. Asgard stands for hope. For growth and not the rule, but the protection of these realms. I won't let that die. But…this all…” Ghosts long departed tugged at his cape and Thor could not contain himself. Angry tears fell before his queen mother only to still when he gave his thought. “ _We_  are monsters parents tell their children about at night!” Frigga looked around and pulled him into a crevice.

           “Thor, these cruelties. Your father is not apathetic and she will live. Kicking and screaming. We are all at war. These losses are no longer tests. You've opened your eyes to the realms and I am so proud of you... These pains are real but we must stand together. I am so sorry… Sorry, I could not stop her. Sorry that we lost Loki. Nothing about this is just and fair. Gods were never meant to be perfect. We were never meant to solve the problem of an unjust world. We’re meant to cherish and hear those who need it…and who seek it. To guide and inspire. But, this is long twisted. It is our tragedy. I love you all so very much. Nothing will make it better again…but, we must try. We have to. That will mean something. Always.”

           “There’s nothing I can do.” Thor broke and pulled himself together by utter force of will. “Now, I have to inform our friends that one of us has tried to end their life. Someone we loved and grew with. I saw so much in her eyes, mother. Things that I will never wash away. And  _Loki_ -” Thor choked. “He always knew what to do and say. I am not him and I…I should have gone with him.”

           “Thor, there is a long path ahead,” Frigga took his face. “She’ll need you after this in a way you’ve not imagined. Both of you must stand together. Even if it hurts too much. My son, I wish I could say that we get to shake these forced roles off but, right now, we have no choice. Asgard is falling apart. I miss Loki so much. It hurts in every bone. To lose my  _child_ …” Frigga heaved a breath she could never hope to catch. Not in another million years.

           “I can’t do this without my brother… I…I’ll find a way to give us some form of choice.” Thor pulled back. “I swear to you and her and  _damned_  father! He’ll see! I don’t need his council… I do not want it any longer! Asgard will get their perfect prince! Like him or not. They’ll see… They will.” He inched back, feeling of betrayal that ached deeper than Loki’s. “Don’t let her die.”

           “I will not.” Frigga swore and touched Thor’s hair before going while he marched down the hallway, arms sticky. The door bashed open and closed behind him, causing his four friends to all jump to their feet.

           “Blood.” Hogun reached him first. “What happened to you?”

           “It…” Thor crushed his teeth. “It is not mine.” Fandral, with a sudden burst of anger and sadness, pushed Thor to the ground.

           “Where is she?!” He raged and Volstagg grabbed for his arms with Hogun trying to stop him as well. “Tell me she’s all right. Tell me!”

           “Thor…” Sif kneeled to his side, fingers clasped into a rag. Thor had never seen her hands shake as they did now. “What happened?”

           “She…I tried to stop her. I was too late. She broke down. She has made an attempt on her life but I took her to the healers and they will save her.” Thor forced the syllables to construct and Sif’s eyes drew wide, the rag dropped so she could touch her lips. Fandral sunk to his knees with tears, covering his face when he was released.

           “Gods, no…”

           “But, she is alive?” Volstagg hitched a sob and Thor nodded, not interested in getting up.

           “I have to see her!” Fandral stood without will but Hogun stopped him, both came to the floor again.

           “They will work into the night on her, my friend,” Hogun offered, embracing Fandral while he clung and wept. Sif shed her tears in silence but tried to speak.

           “I should have tried harder to stop her. I should have stood next to her. The warriors stand together but we didn’t out there. She will  _never_  forget that.” Sif lowered her face and closed her eyes. “We all have failed each other.” Volstagg was trying to calm Fandral’s loud, muffled cries and Thor shook his head.

           “She will live. My friends, Asgard will change after this day. Mother says we all have to stand together but our group must keep closer than anyone else. I will be used and so will she.”

           “You both could leave together. You two lost a loved one, go heal away from here.” Volstagg offered, brow furrowing.

           “He cannot leave Asgard.” Hogun spoke, sniffling hard before he wiped his cheek. “Even if we wished they could. It wouldn’t be right for this realm.” Thor was looking down at the blood caked to his arms and fingers.

           “Asgard will charge for her, Thor,” Sif tried to be strong. “You saw them in there. Loving Loki was a greater crime than fighting him was a good deed. Fear of her will twist them and hate for Loki will fuel it.”

           “Can I see her?” Fandral was whimpering still in Hogun’s arms with Volstagg rubbing his back. Thor could not remember a time when his Warriors Three was brought to tears. Sif mustered some courage and helped Thor wash the blood off in a basin. “Please.” Fandral squeaked until Thor took a knee, cupping his neck so their eyes met.

           “We all will see her. She’s alive, Fandral.” Thor felt Fandral shudder and look away to nod, shedding more silent tears. “Give it some time so they can work. We’ll see her and stand at her side again. We still have that option. I’ll do everything in my power to hold Asgard together. I’ll have a plan, I always do.”

           “What can we do?” Hogun asked after a beat and Thor hitched a breath.

           “Trust.” He began. “Trust that she and I can set things right. We must continue to be the symbol Asgard requires. Together. Never apart. I must return to the healers. Give it some time. Until she is stable. They will let you in.” Thor realized he was breathing heavily. Eyes watering again. He waited for Loki’s voice to come. To guide him. To scream. When it didn’t, Thor turned to hurry out and left his friends behind. Forcibly, he returned to her bedside and watched healers finish up. Blood dripped from the bed onto the floor until they moved her to fresh sheets. Mint tainted the metallic air when dressings were wrapped. She whimpered and the movement in her cheeks sent beads of blood through the swatches of white fabric covering them.

           “Prince Thor.” Moira was sniffling. “Comfort her while we finish. She is almost through the worst of it.” Fists clenched tight until he came to her side, sitting down. Fingers sunk into messy curls while he rubbed circles into her temples with his thumbs. Thor felt compelled to pray. To beg. To lie.

           “Stay with me now.” He offered her name.

           “Hurts…Loki.” She croaked in a whisper, eyes closed. Hot and delusional. Hopeless again, Thor looked at Moira and she nodded to encourage him. His heart shattered to pieces that did not pick themselves back up. He recalled the way his brother would soothe.

           “…I…I am here…sweetheart,” Thor uttered and the tears fell. “Go to sleep now. I’ll be right here when you wake up. I won’t leave you. Never again…I’ll keep you safe. So, rest.” Eyelashes fluttered while she relaxed, head tipping back and Thor heaved before he offered her a second kiss that would not revive his dear friend. Healers slipped away while they finished and cleaned up, Moira touched Thor’s shoulder and gave them a moment alone. “Loki, help us. Brother, please.” Thor welled up again when he was alone. It was not often the mighty Prince Thor was alone. Tears wetted against his friend’s neck. “I cannot do this without you. I do not want to be their king alone. I am not strong enough.” There was a moment of burning hatred for Asgard that flooded out because Thor could not let himself touch it. He was too good. Too kind. Too lost.

           “Thor,” her eyes cracked and she was gone again. Blue eyes went wider but he was mute for a beat. Her chest rose and fell heavily. Thor knew what he would do. They were the only hope. For Asgard. For these nine realms.

           “You must live, even if to spite them.” Thor grew hard like steel. “We are gods and monsters. You and I…we will be the greatest of them. They can love or hate us for it. They will remember our names because the syllables will strike their hearts down. But, you must live. We will clasp hands. Cut out our hearts. Bury them so they cannot be touched by anyone else in this burning realm. Only you and I. Norns be damned. Asgard be damned. I swear to you and it cannot be anyone else. It must be us. I would go through this with no one else. I am a fool. But, we will drag all of Asgard to the mirror until they see the best and worst of themselves. Or we are damned too. You’ve done that before and I need you to show me how. I need you. So, live. And we will rally the cries throughout all of Yggdrasil until these nine realms are a chorus of screams. Until these nine realms rise together to do better. Because they can. Together we’ll create something ugly and beautiful beyond any dream or reality.” A fever burned her skin but her eyes opened, the pupils spread large to cover the brown. She seemed unaware. Gone.

           “Promise me…”

           “I promise.” Thor was fixated on her haunted eyes. The voices that spoke over her own. She would not remember these moments.

           “We are not even as good as it gets, Thor Odinson. But, we are bigger than the rest of them. Are we not?” She heaved for air, pained beyond belief.

           “We will drag Asgard forth behind us.”

           “They will loathe us for it.” She was numbed, fading. Brown eyes panned to focus on his expression. Thor quenched every bit of rage and melancholy with a bright, terrifying smile that she would recall later on in life. Truly beautiful. 

           “I am counting on it.” He soothed her, lips against her forehead. “Heal. Live. Trust me.”

           “Why?” Her lips parted, eyes heavy but she was reeled in with the sweetest and most deadly words.

           “Because my entire act is dead without you.”

           Lips lifted up. Sparkling eyes closed. Thor let red curls like blood spill between taut fingers. Briefly, he longed to splash within their depths. Yes, they would rise to be the symbols Asgard needed. Perhaps, not the ones they wanted. The thought hardened Thor’s soul further. But, his compassion only grew. Thor Odinson, with all this loss. With all this decay and growth. Realized something important. He loved Asgard, yes. He would fight until his last breaths drew still. And yet…

           “They do not deserve us. But, worthiness does not matter. What matters is what we believe in most of all. You and I…we believe in hope. In what is right. Hard as it can be to hold. Together…I think we can find it again.”

           Thor watched his friend breathe and breathed with her. For they had to walk the broken path of life together. Hands clasped. Joined as one. Every bit of faith within him resonated out to touch her own. Still there even now. They would soon see each other better than any being around them. Clear as day. This was no end. It was revelation. Rebirth.

           “And we will not be the last.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much! If anyone who read The Messiah has a request for a deleted/extended/au scene of any kind with my heroine and another character I wrote (smut or not), feel free to ask below! I might put a little something together for you. :D


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